When you live far away from your family, you naturally start to spend less and less time with them. Of course, in an ideal world, you will all make an effort to go and see each other, but if you begin to feel like it’s only you making any effort, you can very quickly begin to resent going.
A 31-year-old male on Reddit has recently posted that he no longer wants to travel to see his family for this very reason. So let’s find out if his attitude is justified.
Does the Plane Only Fly One Way?
The original poster (OP) explains that his mother and father are divorced and live in separate states, while he has an older sister who also lives elsewhere. Getting to any of his family takes him 2-3 hours on a flight, and it can become exhausting doing it regularly.
He Is Not Going To Visit
OP has recently told his family that he won’t be visiting them this year because he is sick of having to use all of his vacation allowances to go and see them. He says that he is the only one who ever makes an effort to do it, and the hassle has just got on top of him.
On average, he visits his mom twice a year, his dad once a year, and his sister once a year. He says that the reason he has always made an effort is that they often guilt trip him into doing it by telling him how much they miss him etc. However, none of them have ever bothered to go and see him in the years that he has lived away from them.
Excuses, Excuses
Every time he has asked them to visit, they have always made an excuse, and it has been put on him to go to them instead. What’s more, both his parents work from home, and his sister is a stay-at-home mom, so none of them would even have to use vacation time to go to him. Meanwhile, OP has to use all of his to go and visit them.
After telling them that he won’t be making the trips this year, they have all turned on him, but he isn’t going to change his mind. Taking to Reddit, he wanted to know if his family were right to be angry at him or if his decision was a fair one.
An Admirable Stance
OP received the reassurance he was after, with everyone who commented on the post backing him up. One user said: “You aren’t cutting them out of your life; you match their energy. If they start to miss you, they’re welcome to visit.”
Someone else said: “They are welcome to visit you, and they’re unwilling to. You should be firm about this boundary and only consider visiting them again once they start reciprocating equally.”
One person in the comments offered OP some advice on how he might have better explained the situation to his family. They said: “I would have phrased it as “I’m using my vacation time to go somewhere else this year” instead, but you aren’t obligated only to go and see them.”
How Do You Feel?
Have you ever been in a situation with a family member where you’ve felt that you were the only person willing to make any effort? How did you deal with the problem? Let us know in the comments.
Source: Reddit. This article is produced and syndicated by The Impulse Traveler.
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