Family weddings are always interesting occasions. There is often plenty of politics involved revolving around things like who will play what part and who will sit where. These politics go into overdrive when the wedding is abroad as child care and travel costs also come into play.
A discussion forum user posted about a complicated situation revolving around his brother’s wedding, which is taking place overseas. The politics involved have resulted in him deciding not to attend the wedding. Let’s find out how the situation got this bad and who is in the wrong.
A Matter of Principle
The original poster (OP) explains that his brother outlined from the get-go that the wedding was going to be a no-kids wedding. This was always complicated as OP and his sister have young kids around the same age. However, it’s his brother’s big day, and he respects his wishes.
However, a few weeks ago, he discovered that his sister had been granted permission to take her kids. The reason is that she has no one to look after her kids, while OP has his wife’s family to lean on for childcare support.
It's Not Fair
OP doesn’t feel this is fair, especially since he doesn’t have anyone available to look after his kids on the wedding weekend. Despite that, his brother is standing firm and still saying that his kids aren’t allowed to come.
It’s not as if OP’s kids are more rowdy or less well-behaved than his sister’s kids, so he can’t get his head around it. Ultimately, if his brother doesn’t change his stance, then OP has decided not to attend the wedding out of principle.
He Doesn't Want To Go Without His Family
On top of the principle element, OP legitimately doesn’t have anyone he trusts who could look after his kids, so that would also stop him from attending. OP’s wife has said that she can stay at home and look after the kids while he goes alone, but he doesn’t want to go to the wedding without his family.
He has told his brother how he feels, and he is waiting to hear back from him. In the meantime, he wanted to check with members of the Reddit community that he wasn’t being completely unreasonable.
Two Sides to Every Argument
Most people felt both parties had a leg to stand on in the dispute. On one side, his brother is entitled to say who can and can’t come to his own wedding, while on the other, OP is entitled to say he’s not going.
It's His Wedding
One user said: “He specifically does not want your children there, for whatever reason. That’s his right. It’s his wedding. Does it suck? Yes. Save your money and go have a fun vacation with your children.”
Other people suggested that OP’s brother should expect several cancelations due to the stipulations that surround his wedding.
One user said: “It’s a destination wedding, so he should assume some guests can’t make it. It’s a “no kids” wedding, so he should assume some guests can’t make it. That’s a double whammy. I really dislike the people who set a high bar for their friends and family to attend the wedding and are then surprised when people can’t come.”
Should OP still make an effort to go to the wedding despite his brother’s contradiction, or should he dig his heels in for the sake of his family? Let us know what you think in the comments.